It has been difficult last three months… I have been trying to make a transition from ‘be with children’ (as opposed to ‘stay-at-home’ ;-0) mum, heavily involved with the school PFA initiatives into ‘going back to work’ me.
I was with my children for the last nine years. Ok the first two years I was busy finishing my course degree but after my second child was born (seven years ago) I decided to stay and look after them for the next few years. Little I knew what ‘few’ meant at the time.
In the last four years I was involved in different locally run voluntary projects as well as the children’s nursery and then school PFA. I was the happiest mum on planet and I can honestly say these were the hardest and the most beautiful years of my life so far. The emotional roller coaster has been the biggest part of it all. I am a very different person than I was some nine years ago – just one note sung by my child at their school choir concert can see my in a flood of tears, one ray of sunshine caught playing with the blonde hair and beautiful complexion on my child’s face makes the time literally stop for me…
So no, I definitely don’t regret ‘staying in’ for so long and it was a difficult choice to make as it most definitely effected our finances to a large extend… I just feel like I was simply not able to make any other decision as Phoebe full stop. I believe that in a constant battle between SAHM and ‘working mum’ there are as many answers as women in the world and everyone of us is so very different and unique.
There is simply no right or wrong answer, there are only choices to be made.
So why don’t we, women stop finally judging one another as to what choices we make, what houses we own (or don’t), how fit we are and how hard we work. Just stop all this childish behavior and get on with your life. It seems like all these feminists went after the wrong target after all (sorry ladies…) as these are not men who are oppressing us but we are doing it to one another!
The amount of unhealthy competition, constant judging and cliqueness between women makes all this hard juggling exercise simply impossible! Why is it that the men can simply ‘get on with it’ and socialize with one another without the constant judging as to whether their ‘colleague or pint partner’ is ‘good enough’.
We women are so amazing – why can’t we look above all these clouds of bitterness, jealousy and superiority and simply talk to one another, support one another and be open and honest to one another. It would make things so much simpler and so much easier to handle.
We are all truly amazing – just think of the same priorities we all have i.e. making sure our children have a safe and happy lives. And it doesn’t mean that if my child is happy than it will most certainly cause yours to be miserable! Not at all!! It is exactly the opposite – one child’s happiness and good behavior will multiply and hopefully ‘rubs off’ into the other one he is playing with. It is not a competition for the school places nor it is a beauty/ IQ contest. It is a simple act of striving the best for our families but not at the expense of one another.
We have all gone through so much to get where we are now – a simple thing I was thinking about this morning… how much blood we are loosing throughout our lives… I know it sounds gruesome but all these heavy periods we get every single month, all the blood we loose during the childbirth and all the tears we shed and worries we have during these sleepless nights pre-baby, during baby, toddler and then again their teen years!
We create all these impossible to climb walls, impossible to follow rules and watch calmly and coldly when most of us finds it impossible to conquer it, even better falls off it breaking its confidence in the process! However… by putting up and creating these ridiculous and monstrous obstacles, have we ever thought that it will be our daughters climbing the very same walls in a few years time we are so painstakingly putting up for other women?! And nope we may not always be there for our daughters ready to give them tips as to how best to tackle it, there may be some other women there watching our child struggling. The very same women we have ridiculed and ignored earlier on, a women our daughter’s may need to rely on at that moment in time.
I guess I am trying to say we are just too hard on ourselves, too harsh to one another and in general acting like hypocrites – teaching kindness to our children but treating one another with anything but kindness.